I'm almost 40 years old and my parents still try to control my life...I need advice.?

A little background first..my family has always been close. So much so that my mom and dad still think I have to run everything by them. I am married and have children. My parents live across the street as does my grandmother.





I'll try to make this brief and not ramble on. I think this all started this past Sunday at church (of all places). My husband and I had arrived a little early and took the first available seats (there were 5 of us). We did not want to be disruptive and have to crawl all over everyone to get to the seats where my parents sit. (Apparently they have sunday school classes in the sanctuary). Before church began, my mom came over, said she was glad we were there and why weren't we sitting where we ';were suppose to';. I told her there were no empty seats and that we would stay where we are...why don't they join us? Well, they did but I could tell they (my mom actually) were not happy. I didn't know they had assigned seats in church....lol.





On Monday and today, I tried calling her to find out how they were, what they were up to, etc. She never returned my call so I tried again today to talk to her. She answered phone and was very distant towards me. I tried to make small talk...telling her that we had been cleaning out the garage and the attic, catching up on laundry, etc. No response from her at all..I asked what was wrong..she immediately told me (in a very rude and nasty way) that I never come over to see her. Nevermind that I work at my parents business every day, 8 hrs, a day. I take my mother and grandmother shopping every Saturday. I hardly have time for my own little family. I got remarried 1 1/2 yrs, ago...my first husband passed away. My husband has 4 children...2 are grown and on their own, the other 2 live with their mother. The youngest spent his christmas break with us. We have tried to spend alot of family time together since they live in TN and we are in GA. I can't understand why my mother would accuse me of not spending time with her? I haven't been to her house alot but with seeing them at work and on the weekends I wanted/needed to do some things at my own house. Why is she trying to make my feel guilty? My husband went to her house earlier to try and see what was wrong and basically got the door slammed in his face. They've never had cross words...this hurts. Especially when I don't know what I did. Thanks for any advice.





We are suppose to have a family dinner tomorrow at my grandmother's house...I'm wondering if we are going to get the silent treatment.I'm almost 40 years old and my parents still try to control my life...I need advice.?
i wouldnt go to dinner. move change jobs and anything to stop them treating you like a baby.I'm almost 40 years old and my parents still try to control my life...I need advice.?
Like the old saying goes, we always hurt the ones we love. Your mom is very dependent on you for friendship, as well as being her daughter. Our daughter lives very close by us also. Sometimes I get to knowing that we are trying to do everything to inclue her and her family. At times it is good to give each other a break. If you can just save up and take a trip and leave for a week or a weekend, absence will make you all realize how lucky you are to have each other, but your mom needs to think this out as she is getting too clingy. I am sure she loves you very much and probably was afraid someone in the church would notice the family not sitting together and think there was a problem. I am guilty of that myself, always wondering what others will think.... I think it comes with our age, I am in my 60's. Also our daughter is the only child and has the only grandchildren close by us, so we tend to really try extra hard to see them all we can and I know too that we tend to spoil them way too much. Good luck, I sure hope your mom will see the light. Happy New Year.
Your mom trying to make you feel guilty is working...What you need to do so she stops this is not let her see this effects you. Go to dinner as planned if she says nothing that's all on her, her problem, not yours. There has to be more to why moms mad then just the church thing, it may have nothing to do with you and she is taking it out on you. Just smile and be polite, she needs to get over whatever problem she is having don't let this bring you down.


Im 45 and my mother is a control freak, she even tries to clean my room LOL We share a house and its really big i don't have to see her if i don't want to. We have a great relationship i just tell her to shut up, back off, or give her the finger, she does it back LOL This is an understanding between us, it didn't happen over night but im way to old to be told what to do, or how to do it. At times we are like two bulls in a china shop but i wouldn't trade her for anyone else.
If your own mother is being this clingy and needy, it sounds as though they are the children in this relationship. Personally I think this is complicated by your constant proximity to them - you have never really left their home, and it seems they don't really want you to. However your life, as well it should, has begun to expand beyond their walls and their neighborhood and their business - and they are not mature enough to understand this change. You need to have a talk with your mum, and let her know that you are her kid, and always will be, but that you will not let her make you choose between your old life and your new family. If seeing you for twenty hours a day is not going to be enough, then it may be better to break the ties entirely rather than living the way you are - feeling persecuted, being ignored, while not actually doing anything wrong or hurtful yourself.
Your parents control your life because you let them. Stop spending all of your time doing as they say and start doing things for yourself and your family. I also suggest, if at all possible, moving somewhere else. That is a bit extreme, but it would create some distance and perhaps they would get the hint that you'd like to lead your own life.
I dont need to read beyond the first paragraph to tell you what your problem is and how to fix it.





Facts: you are 40 years old, you are married, you have kids





Those are the only facts that make any difference here.





Your problem is that you either allow or invite your parents to run your life. The fact that you live across the street from them and your grandmother is proof of this.





What you need to do is put your house up for sale and move no less than a 30 minute car ride away from your parents. There are no excuses here, there is nothing you can do or say to counter this. You need to make this change.





Next, you need to limit your contact with your parents to one phone call a week. Once you all get used to that, you can increase the frequency of communication.





When your parents try to assert themselves, you politely repell their suggestions. If that doesn't work, you end the conversation.





For whatever reason (well, I can make some educated guesses based on the information you provided but, wont), you and your parents have a codependent relationship. This sort of relationship is never healthy.





Your husband has no business intervening with your relationship with your mother. Your a big girl, you need to retain ownership of that relationship. Your husband needs to take a back seat here and allow you to sort this out. They're your parents, that makes them your problem and nothing can change that fact.





Things like this guilt issue is a textbook control tactic. Don't take that the wrong way as it's quite possible that your parents dont even know that they're doing it.





I hope you can take this advice to heart and that it helps you create a healthy relationship with your extended family.
Your parents bought close to your grandmother. You bought close to both of them. The Grandmother seems to be the Web-mistress. You are just the lowest end of the food chain.


Why on earth does your husband put up with it?


I made the mistake of marrying a woman like you and it took me a whole year to figure out what was going on and to dump her and her power-mad family.


What ever you decide to do, the seeds have already been planted such that you are programmed to be a little Hitler towards your own kids. For their sake, get the hell away.