I am depressed because i am wasting my life. need encouragement and advice. please read. thanks?

ill try to keep this short....





im 19 and a soph. in college. i have one friend who i sometimes hang out with and she has a hard time keeping friends herself. we do really lame **** together go to a movie and basically bs with each other. i like her dont get me wrong. she said she could not talk for a while, but i havent heard from her in weeks. i do believe her, but i think 3 weeks is a long time to go without talking...





i hung out with a few other people i met in college but we do not hang out as much most likely because i am have nothing to talk about. i was kind of close to them but for some reason, their friends who i was introduced to i did not get close to. this is always the problem with me. i have social phobia and i for some reason cling to a few people.





anyway people do seem to want to get to know me and i have had people wanting to hang out with me and some others, but eventually they see i am ';shy'; and give up. i used to have a good childhood and then something, not terrible, happened before high school and i became depressed. although i think during junior high i was depressed and i am a person who by nature is just not that moved by things others are moved by. also, i had friends when i was younger and i guess i stopped making friends after fourth grade. i had acquaintances. i do realize that people bs and try to be perkier and happier than they are, but...





anyway i wasted my hs years and pretty much college years so far, although i have had some good times. i also btw made another friend during senior year in hs, but i clung to him instead of becoming close with his friends. we dont talk anymore.





***********im sorry if im babbling and if my info is all over the place. im tired, and upset. usually i know how to express myself through writing. i have learned a lot about myself and about self pity, which turns into depression, why i cling to people, ';social phobia'; and other personality disorders. yeah ive been through avoidant personality disorder, ocd, social phobia. all the same bs- low self esteem. sometimes i feel like even if im not thinking too much i have nothing to say. i think maybe i need to start a bunch of crap at once so that i have something to talk about. i cant expect to go out once in a while and make and then keep a lot of friends. i am so upset. i just need some encouragement and stories of yours thanks.****I am depressed because i am wasting my life. need encouragement and advice. please read. thanks?
Hmmm you sound like me at that age :)


Firstly take it easy, you are so young! Wasted your life at 19 lol. What you were expecting to have started a global company or cured cancer by the time you are thirteen?





You will have time to take over the world yet, I assure you. And I am not being a smart ***.





Second you sound very intelligent and a thinker.





Third you are not alone.There is a new phenomenon thanks to all the ways to connect with each other electronically, people are now occasioanlly feeling even less and less connected to themselves in real life. I am a generation older than you and quite successful I guess but even I feel it. A lot of guys my generation have talked to me about it. We think a lot of it is all the exposure and pressure we have from the media seeing everyone 'making it big' on all these reality shows, and on the internet 24/7. Whereas 10-20 years ago, hey just from being alive and in a free country and eating well and at college, you felt you were the luckiest guy(or girl) alive.





However once again we all do the question oneself thing. The good news is a lot of very successful people did the same thing...





Next the mandatory drug warning- if you try drugs or smoke pot..don't. Totally bad news, we went all out banning them in the 80's after we saw what happened to everyone's brains in the 70's. Notice most homeless people are from that era, totally scrambled. Then we all forgot what we learned by the 90's and this latest generation is learning the same thing over. Drugs are bad mmkay.. I mean seriously. Pot is one of the worst long term.





Like I said before if you are a budding billionaire or famous person, or the person who is going to stop the israelis fighting palestine, you kight benefot from the direction of one of the 'get successful' type books by any of the rich and successful people like Napoleon Hill or Tony Robbins or Robert Kiyosake. No joke their stuff does work.





It only does not work on the average guy who reads it without beleiving it.





I gaurantee any successful businessman or athelte or even movie star would have picked something up like it at one stage of their lives. And it turned them around. Maybe that's you.I am depressed because i am wasting my life. need encouragement and advice. please read. thanks?
thank you for taking your time to write so much and giving me hope :) Report Abuse

I think you answered your own question. It's about self-esteem. It may be that deep down you don't think you're worthwhile to hang out with. You find someone you like, and you cling to them. These people become ';safe'; for you, even though the relationship itself isn't very deep or satisfying to you. This has developed into a pattern for you.


You seem to become sort of paralyzed when people show that they like you,and want to hang out. Again, that suggests to me that its a self-esteem issue.


I've had the same problem all my life, and I still have that problem sometimes, I spend most of my time by myself. I'm socially clumsy, and I sometimes think that I have nothing to say of any consequence. I write fairly well; but I'm not verbally oriented.


You talked of depression. I've been treated for that. I'm being treated for Borderline Personality Disorder, and the things I've learned there can be very helpful.





It's a damn shame that you feel lonely. You sound like a very intelligent person, and have a noble and worthwhile goal in life. I'm not an expert by any means, but your post has me thinking that if you could look at yourself objectively, and not freeze up when meeting new people, your social life would improve.





Perhaps there is someone ( a therapist or counsellor) that can help you with your social issues. Posting your fear is actually a good step. There are many people who would suffer in silence.








I hope this helped a bit.
Hey girly! I think that since your in college you should focus on your studies first. Then you should try to calm down and relax go to the gym that helps with depression take an art class or start a hobby like scrap booking or start a collection. Make a list of things you like and dislike about yourself and what you can do to change the dislikes. Dwelling on the negative will not make you feel better having a whole bunch of friends will not make you feel better. Having a few REAL friends who are willing to help you will make you feel better. If these people who were supposedly your friends dint want anything to do with you then they were not friends in the first place. Its not the situations we are in that makes us depressed its our reactions-we can see the brighter side and work with it or we can complain and cry!! its up to us how we live our life we make the choice to do what we do and react how we react!! hang in there I hope this helped.
Honestly, if you're in college and more concerned with how many friends you have (or don't have) instead of concentrating on what college is SUPPOSED to be about (advancing your education and preparing for a career), you don't need to be in college. You're not only wasting time, you're wasting money.
get out and about! find something that you like that you can do on your own, most likely if you get involved with it as an activity, you'll find people more similar to you just through association, but there won't be any pressure to buddy up right off the bat.


believe it or not there are other people out there who prefer not to talk if there's really nothing to say, or ';try to be perkier and happier than they are';...believe me, i'm one of them; and i don't think of it as a flaw, because i know who i am and really, if someone doesn't get it, than just think of it as...ten points for baffling someone! just don't try to pretend to be someone you're not--because if you're anything like me you'll get incredibly sick of pretending before long. yes it takes a while to find someone who you're compatible with, but if you become comfortable flying solo for a while chances are you'll enjoy yourself a lot more, and the right people will notice you for who you are :D


also, it's ok to just hang out with acquaintances, go out for just a night to blow off some steam, maybe you'll find that without the pressure of trying to grow a relationship that it's easier to relax, and just enjoy the situation rather than the people. besides, you control what you do; if you get bored or feel awkward, what's stopping you from announcing, ';i'm unbelievably bored!'; and just leaving to find something else to do? nothing!


ANNND i know i said to get out and about but sometimes a day of lounging and relaxation is just necessary. take it from me.


ps. i'm an art major and it is a key outlet for me. so try an art class if you haven't already...plus, with a paintbrush in your hand and an ipod playing in your ears there's no pressure to make small talk with your classmates!
EveryDay!! watch the news,boring sure but you'd be surprised how well it works.don't over do it,no one can pay that much attention to the news.


you are well worded,and should of had a masters in BS at 4th grade.when you became a teen too many choice left you confused and here you are now.some friend are only what we imagine.so keep your friends close and your enemy's even closer.


you know you don't have to worry about friends.having them or not doesn't matter.Take care of number one and the rest will take care of itself.


live long and prosper






go to a library


find the adult fiction/fantasy section


look down the isle of books and make sure no one is in the way...


close your eyes and just start walking [or running] down the isle


with your hand trailing along the books and stop at random


look at the book your hand is on.


check it out if it looks interesting.


this probably sounds stupid, but it will help





i am shy too.


mostly because i have switched schools every two years for most of my life and each time i think its the last time [finallly]


and then i'm crying and saying goodbye to the friends i had finally become attatched to.


aftteer a while i just thought what's the ppointt inn happiness if all it bringgs is pain????


don't use that outlook because it gets you NO WHERE!!


it sucks


i have actually stayed in my current school system longer.[4th year!!!!]


the friends i have now are the best friends i've ever had.


i became friends with most of them because of common scheduals.


they would ask me a question and i would answer it and eventually they said something that started a better conversation than 'what did you get for this homework question last night?'


i've been a lot quieter lately though...


i spend too much time just thinking aboout random stuff and starring off into pace and then when i regain conciousness... i can't even renmember what i was thinking about.


that is really unhelpful during classes.


anyways...


maybe you should start challenging yourself to be more social.


give someone a compliment [like on clothes or make-up]


one of my best friends from 1st grade... nikki


we met on the school bus. she had a back-pack withh a picture of Misty and Staryu [pokemon] on it and i told her i liked her bag and we started a conversation about pokemon.... we both liked it a lot, so we started to sit with each other on the bus more often.


another one of my best friends has a good way of meeting people.


just walk up to a random person in the mall or cinema and ask for a dollar. that usually starts a wierd conversation. or just say 'do i know you' even if you've never seen the person in you're life.


just be prepared for some awkward conversations.


also.....


don't be afraid of what people might think of you.


especially if youu don't know them.


you'll probably neversee them again anywayz.


so DONT WORRY!!!!!


they have their own lives to worry about.


i don't have very high self esteem either, but i boosted it a lot by realizing how stupid it is to care about other people's opinions.


what they think about you won't get YOU anywhere in life.


you get this life once.


make the most of it.


or why even have it if you're just going to sit there.


if you haven't been using it for what its worth....which is a lot


you should start now.





GO LISTTTEN TOO SOME GOOD MUSIC.


IT HELPS.


AND IF YOU'RE LIKE ME YOOOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL BETTER, YOU JUSST WANNT TTTTO FIX THE ISSUE AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.


music just helps me to clear my heaad so i can figure out whaat to do.


iii suggest instrumentals or listeningg to sometghinng in a foriegnlanguage so you don't cloud your head withh more thoughts.


you can e-mail me if you want, or not. whatever.


sorry about typpo's...


my cat is ccllimbingg al over the keyboard
Hi there,





you are a bit confused it seems. How come you can write so much and yet say you don't talk much? Yes, you were bubbly. In my mind it is better to say little but relevant and wise and good things than bs. So, I believe it is not important to find someone to bs with, if that is the only thing these persons can talk about. I suggest to find a special interest.....for instance....cooking receipes, travelling destinations, politics, furniture antiques, airplanes, local politics, animal kingdom, plants, gardens, design....... anything that would give you knowledge.....an edge over some others..., you may even find that it was always your ';purpose'; or even a true calling.





You understand that depression is often ';learned';, so whenever you notice it entering your life, even in very subtle ways, stop it immediately!!!!! depression can and will eventually have a lasting impact, if you don't fight it every chance you get!





All power to you..., and lots of sunshine in your still young life!